The "Lavish" Life

My head has many crazy thoughts about the recent article I read regarding the lavish spending and the lavish lifestyle that military families live-This my friends is so far from the truth. The Author talks about so many things that I truly believe he didn't research. I am so irritated by his writings because bottom line, it isn't true for most of what he talks about. From his writings, he makes us sound like we are rolling in the dough and live in massive houses, get medical care and practically free groceries. What he doesn't speak about is the sacrifices that the military and their families make each and everyday. Only 1% of the population is even in the Armed Forces! These brave men and women DEFEND this country. These brave Americans lay their lives on the line and those that "survive it" come back changed people (not bad, just changed) Does this man know that my husband has listened to soldiers dying over the radio in an attack? Does he know that my husband has had to see HORRIFIC things, even holding onto someone in their last moments? He has watched soldiers do brave things to save others and risking their own lives and not even blink an eye to do it. My husband is no different than any other battle hardened soldier in what he has done or seen. I bet this author doesn't jump out of his skin when someone drops a tray or at the pop of a balloon or flinches going under a bridge. He should really do more research in making these budget cuts sound like they are going to save our economy, to which they will not. Should EVERYONE tighten their belts, including the military-Absolutely, but do NOT insinuate that we are living some crazy Trump like exsistance because Sir, we are not.. I can only speak for my family, because every military familys' story is different but this is ours.

Sir,

My husband joined the Army at 18 years old-just a child really. Sal had a new wife and a baby on the way, he was making our lives better while serving the nation he loves. When he joined the Army in 1989 his base pay was 700.00 a month, he made more bagging groceries in High school than he did his first 2 years in the Army. We were given a housing allowance, medical benefits to which I am greatful for, they provided us a safety net. Sal deployed in 1990 to Iraq for Desert Storm, I was in limbo staying with family and had another baby, at this point he was making a tiny bit more money. We had VERY limited contact while he was downrange, as there wasn't  the technology there is today. Fast forward many years and more deployments to today.. My husband is an E8 with 24 years in (pretty normal in his MOS, unlike the 10 years you put in your article... Anyway, last week was the last college class he will take until we can figure out how to budget it so he can finish his 2nd degree, which BTW, he is just  nearly there, but with the suspension of Tuition assistance, who knows when he will get to finish really. It's a shame that one of his lavish benefits is non exsistant currently, I mean, he has only proudly served this country, sacrificed family time for it, missed out on births (yes, I said births) to help this country and he continues to make family sacrifices for the Military and the country as do we by supporting him and making sure he knows that we understand and support him. He could just say ahh, soldiers can take care of themselves, no sweat off my back-I am getting paid regardless, but he doesn't, he goes in and does an exceptional job in taking care of them and our community. All he asks for in return is the respect from his country and to be treated fairly by this government and it's people. He pays taxes, LORD do we pay taxes for what? To support some that are on welfare as a job? But he can't finish his degree and now by your article you make it sound like we are lavish and wasteful. Did you know that housing allowance is based on rank and zip code and that it fluctuates year to year and sometimes even goes down? I didn't notice that in your article. I also didnt notice you mention that our commissaries buy at cost and sell that way and charge a surcharge to cover pay, and other expenses and that the people that bag our groceries don't even get a wage, they earn tips-Most of whom are retirees or students trying to supplement their "Lavish" income.  There is NOTHING lavish about my life and the lives of other military families. It isn't lavish to wipe the tears of your child saying goodbye to their parent for a year, or listening to a 17 year old son cry himself to sleep because he just misses his dad or being a "single" parent cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night because not 1, 2 or 3 but 6 kids have the stomach flu and I am here with them alone, it is not lavish to figure out your budget so that you make sure there is enough for yearbooks, sports, clothes and food so that your soldier isn't worried about you while he/she is downrange. It isn't lavish to wait 2-3 weeks for a medical appt, or wait 2.5 hours for prescriptions to be filled. Military and their families deserve to be taken care of, there is nothing lavish about that.

I wish the Author would have actually interviewed several military families to see and hear their individual stories. There are people who join later in life and give up very lucrative careers to serve this country and there are kids who join because they are promised a better life, a life that will give them goals and a future and an education, but why should they join now? We have military members downrange, having to buy some of their own equipment, paying for part of their meals-so that "exta" deployment money isn't even an extra amount of money for them and their families anymore. The good thing about Service Members and their families is they will keep their heads held high and bounce back after all of these cuts to our lives.. I do however wish that those that keep cutting our budgets, try and cut theirs as well. Congress cannot continue to live THEIR Lavish lifestyles while the rest of the country has to make sacrifies and tighten their belts-Its not fair. They work for us as a country and when people slack, they get fired.. So maybe next election the votes will clean it out..

15 months.....

So, today while driving home I suddenly realized that in 15 months we could be starting a new adventure due to Sal retiring, as I was driving I was thinking about how our lives have been for the past 24 plus years and a million memories came flooding through my brain and my eyes started to tear up.
  It is bittersweet to me, I have learned SO much from this life we chose to live. There have been good times and bad and MANY lessons learned. Living in the military bubble has not always made for an easy life or easy marriage-there have been big mountains to climb, dissapointments, surprises, excitement, sadness, loss, gifts and a million pride filled moments.

When Sal joined the Army, he had no intention of staying past the 4 years he had signed up for, it was "supposed" to be temporary, just a step into his career field while serving his country. Sal didn't come from a military family and while I did, I was relieved that it wasn't going to be "forever". My dream was to do this for a few years, move to Flagstaff Arizona and build our dream cabin and raise our 10 kids-hahha, seriously. We even bought cabin plans, knew where we wanted to buy our little plot of land, but it wasn't meant to be. The Army showed my then teenage husband what responsibility, loyalty, compassion, pride, integrity and honor meant and once that bug bit, there was no turning back. Reinlistment after reinlistment happened and before we knew it, he was reinlisting indefinately and put him to 20 years of service-Hahahah, not really 20 as he now hit 24 years and still hasn't retired.. Honestly, we love this life. We have met so many AMAZING people that we are proud to call family. We have learned to adapt and roll with the punches and that just when you have things "figured" out, the Army changes it, not always a bad thing. I look at the fast changes as this is where we are meant to be and do, so we roll.

Things I will really miss are the friendships made. In this life you make friends REALLY quickly. You jump in all the way, or you dry up. Not always do you meet friends for life, sometimes you meet friends for now, or you quickly realize that this person isn't meant to be your friend. Our children, Our PRECIOUS "brats" also have to jump into the friendship pool super quickly and adapt to a new surrounding, new fashion, styles, lifestyles, whats cool at the new place and find your niche in a clique  and prove yourself YET AGAIN, that you have what it takes to play for a team at the new school. "Brats" also miss sporting seasons because a PCS happens and throws ithe timing out of wack.. It isn't always fun and if they move to a "non military town", you feel like an idiot and not in the loop of the town kids-It's hard for them, but they are brave and good and proud and fight through it and come out a super star-usually. Our children also have to say goodbyes to their dear friends and hope and pray that their mom and dad PCS to where we are going, it does happen sometimes!!! Oh Happy Days, when that happens!!!

I will also miss the safety net of this life, its consistantly inconsistant and you expect the unexpected, it's our normal.  I will miss running into the commissary thinking it will be a quick trip and running into 15 people and chit chatting, having some gossip, giving a hug to a spouse who is having a crappy day and hasn't heard from their soldier in 2 weeks. I will miss watching soldiers do PT in formation in the mornings and hearing the roar of the cadence they sing and the pride in their voices. I will miss hearing "yes ma'am, no ma'am" and hearing children NEVER call an adult by their first name, but always saying Miss Cathy, or Mr Shawn, even when the "brats" are in their 20's.

I will really miss all the little things that really aren't so little when you think about it. I am scared to live in a neighborhood that is "regular" I love seeing Rank and Names and Units on the front of the houses on post, I will miss seeing the welcome home daddy/mommy signs all over the place. I will miss the slow drive of the MP car keeping watch over our street and the wave and smile from the MP in the car. I will miss the crazy street names we have seen on over the years- Artillery Road, SGM Christian Fleetwood St, Patriot Parkway, etc. I will truly miss this bubble.

There are things I wont miss too... I wont miss deployments, separations, missed holidays, dinners, bdays and anniversaries. I will NOT miss the middle of the night phone calls, or the holding of breath when the doorbell rings and my soldiers is not home. It will be nice to be around family and friends that aren't military. We love our families and being away from them has always been our biggest struggle. Its hard not being able to just jump in the car and go help them when they need it or missing the birth of new nieces and nephews and grandchildren.

Sal is excited to retire, while the Army and MP CORPS have been a HUGE part of his life, he ready to hand over the reigns to the new crop and watch and see them grow and develop into great NCOs and leaders. I think the last day Sal puts on his ACU's and his training cap, will be a very hard time for him and I am thinking a few tears will be shed- from him!!

“Lead me, follow me, or get the hell out of my way.”
― George S. Patton Jr., Patton Principles

I am still here!

Gosh, it has been FOREVER since I have blogged.. SAWWY, just been very busy with life and work, etc. I have also been afflicted by writers block-BOO! I love to write and blog and I ALWAYS have so much to say, it's just my thoughts can't find a focus.

I will update everyone on the familia. Well, we have all just been busy busy as always.. So, Sal is doing great and while he won't fully admit it, he really does like his job here. He misses having his "own" soldiers, but he makes an impact on those that reach out. I do believe this position he has here really will benefit him in the civilian world. Lots of goings on here at JBER, so sadly, it keeps him a little overly busy at odd hours of the day and night-it's par for the course of this life, so we smile and move forward.

I am good, had a couple medical things, but nothing to horrific, BUT I do not really enjoy psoriatic arthritis, it makes me feel way older than I am somedays. I have been watching what I have been eating, but this week is a cheat week-not just a day, but tonight I made some paleo and will get back on track tomorrow. I am trying to ease my way into Paleo, so I am doing one meal a day paleo. It is actually a very good way to eat, so it has not been very hard. Work has been going well, it is really my cup of tea to talk to people all day, I really just love it.

So, now for the kiddos, LOL I'll try and keep it brief. All the grown up kids are doing fine, staying busy, going to college, prepping for PCS's and living life. I miss Nick, Ashlee and Cass being home. I know some parents cannot wait for their kids to move out and move on-but I am not one of those parents. I really miss the crazy chaos, hectic lives and their faces.. SMOOCHIES from mama!

Our baby boy, Tony will be heading off to Arizona this summer to continue his education. I am super excited for Tony and Dana, but I know I am going to have a REALLY hard time saying goodbye to this kid. He is a wackadoodle and I love it. I think I have cried nearly each day at the thought of him going away, but I know its part of life and that he has to cut the cord sometime... RIGHT? REALLY? SERIOUSLY?

The littles are still silly beans, but they make me happy. Both are doing great in school and are getting ready to start baseball season and are just enjoying life as we all should. I love watching them sled out back, they just have this zest for life that I wish I could bottle and share with the world. Belly laughs, action figures, silly jokes and cuddles-its what they do and I love them for it.

So, that is all that is going on in the Urzi house.. Hope everyone is doing well!

My Review

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.
Margaret Thatcher

So, this week was the premiere of Married to the Army-Alaska. This premiere caused quite a ruckus all over the land, but particularly here IN ALASKA. MTTAA was filmed here on JBER-Joint Base Elmendorf Richardson, using Army spouses whose husbands were deployed. I think it will be interesting to most to see this show, but its also caused a lot of dialogue amongst the spouses, not always in the positive. So, I will give you a summary of the show. There are 7 wives, whose soldiers vary in rank and who are thrown together (most did not know each other before this) to film a docudrama about our lives as Army spouses during a deployment. The first episode was a train wreck, honestly. I think it pointed out the extreme ugly side of our lives in regards to friendships, judgements and stereotypes....

I wonder why we keep perpetuating these stereotypes. The stereotypes if you don't know are Officer wives are classy, educated, pretty, charming, bitchy, obnoxious, rank wearers, intimidating, insulting. For Enlisted spouses its that we are vulgar, uneducated, baby-popper-outers, partyers, bad mothers, amongst others for both sides. All are further from the truth for the most part, I think "WE" can all fall into each and every stereotype at times. Another stereotype is that military spouses can't associate with spouses that have husbands of higher or lower ranks-Which is NOT true... Spouses do NOT wear rank. I am not an E8 in the Army, Sal is-Me, not so much. Sure, there are varying levels of "to do" responsibilities that CAN be associated with the spouse as the soldier makes his/her way up the ranks and how much you involve yourself is up to you. It certainly does not make your soldier look good or bad, his abilities are all on his shoulders. I have dear friends whose husbands and or wives are litterly every rank from E1-Generals and my friends have NEVER behaved like some of the spouses on this show. Being a spouse of an officer, does not make you proper-Nope, not at all, it makes you So and So's wife or husband. Thankfully there are spouses on that show who REALLY and truly show what it's like to be graceful, kind, loving and selfless, these few ladies really will be the reason most will learn anything about our lives. Its funny how just a couple bad apples can really cause so much anger amongst military spouses and can cause NON military people to text me and ask me if that is how it really is with us spouses. Watching the first episode only sets my opinion in stone how important mentorship is within the world of the spouses. Sometimes someone needs to take us under their wing and say  "Mary, how about I give you some advice"- In a NON COMBATIVE WAY... I have had AMAZING mentors in my life as a military spouse, they have helped me make good choices in this life. They have made me want to be involved and help where needed and to be supportive of my soldier. I also pride myself on being what I hope is a great mentor to young spouses. I truly with all my heart love this life we live, so when I see the ugly side of it, it makes me so sad and disapointed. Seriously, who cares how 2 people met and how is it ANYONES business. Sal and I were married while I was still in high school, every odd was against our success, I dropped out of high school and had 4 babies by the time I was 21, is that horrible? Ideal, NO! Sal and I love each other and at 18 we took the bull by the horns and made the commitment to each other. I am not ashamed of any decisions we made and NOBODY will ever make me feel less than because of it. I personally know one of the spouses in the show and while we aren't friends, I felt really sad for her treatment on the show because she did nothing wrong in answering a question honestly. Her reaction would have been anyones reaction for the most part.

So for those young spouses or men and women prepping to marry a soldier, don't be scared. Embrace the role you are about to commit to, toughen your skin up and be true to yourself and others. Remember there are no "proper" ways to be a military spouse, you will find your own way. Make sure you find a great mentor that can give you great tips on being a spouse in the military.

In further opinion about the show, I think a bit more diversity would have been good. There aren't any spouses of SR NCOs, or male spouses. There are women in the Army who are married and those spouses really get no representation. Its a new world people, modern times, modern times. All in all I think it will be a good show, the aftermath however is becoming more and more amusing by the moment and by amusing I mean RIDICULOUS.......

Did I shave my legs for this?

No, I didn't fall off the planet, just been busy with life and all things that it brings. Since I last blogged we have had a new grandson enter our world, a son celebrated his 19th birthday, Cassidy moved back home for the semester, my sister had heart situation and I believe that is it. Whew, life...gotta love it.. My sister is doing better, thanks to prayers.

 So I have been pondering what I would be blogging about and with all the recent redeployments and deployments going on where we are, I thought that possibly a brush up in what to expect when you're "expecting" a deployment or redeployment. (A redeployment is when the military members return home)

 So, when a soldier returns home it IS indeed a wonderful thing. We get in our best outfits, primp, shave, highlight, lowlight, tweeze, pluck and wax. We find the cutest patriotic outfits for our babies, prep the house, etc... We arrive HOURS before the planes and busses and wait....and wait...and wait-Then its time and a sea of troops march in, just like in the movies! Our hearts race and while the command is speaking, we just want them to shut up so we can love on our soldier!!! What is really a 5 min speech, feels like hours. Then it comes-They get released and its like a sea of crazy! Swarms of families, crying, laughing, searching, hugging. Daddy's meeting new children, mommy's reacquainting with their children, new loves and old loves reuniting, its a beautiful and tremendous sight.... And then we drive home.

Coming home and getting back into your family life can be hard. When a soldier returns they don't get a few weeks off, they litterly go back to work for reintegration just hours upon returning home, that can be hard for us to handle, we just want all that time for us, the Army has had them for a year, we want our time, BUT we have to realize that this is part of return process and there are reasons and a method to this madness. We as spouses NEED to be patient and instead of having a fit and causing more stress upon the entire situation, calmly vent with your battle buddy (I can assure you they are probably going through the same thing or have gone through it.) Remember that our soldiers have to decompress and adjust to being home from a combat zone-They do not however need a new combat zone to battle) Is it hard to not scream, "I WANT YOU ALL TO MYSELF!!!!!"? ABSOFREAKINGLOUTELY! But it will only add to the stress of it all. Its a transition to merge back as a family, but we ALL have to pitch in and be understanding of each other. This is going to take time. If my husband wants to sleep for 36 hours will it irritate me? Sure, piss me off even, BUT its what he needs. Merging families with children also has its quirks and hills to climb. For a year you have been mommy AND daddy and your system of things is what worked while he/she was gone, well they are back now and need to have a say as well. Be supportive of each other during this transition, if he/she didn't handle something how you would have, talk to them when you are alone and figure it out then. Kids need a united front and need to see how to handle all of this too.
My point to all of this is to not expect things to be perfect and how it looks on TV. There is NO normal in this, only what is right for you, your soldier and your family. Some families have no issues at all and it feels as if the service member never left, others have a lot of issues, neither is right or wrong, it just is what it is.

To my friends who have recently welcomed their soldier home, "woohoo!" you did it, you ran the marathon and did just fine!!! To my friends who are just now begining the marathon-You can and will do it. You are strong and brave and loving..

Our birthday baby

Here you go, Miss Cassidy!

Happy Birthday to our baby girl! 20 years ago today, we were given a sweet little ginger angel. You had a bit of a rough start in life, but you are a fighter!!! I remember when I held you for the first time, I couldnt believe that you were so tiny, I had never had a baby that small before. You had a headfull of ginger hair and huge blue eyes, and a tiny heart mouth. I could tell from the very first moment I met you, that you would be strong, brave and loving-and I was right. I was so excited to have another baby girl, (your dad was in disbelief that we had a 2nd girl-he thought something was wrong with him, LOL) I couldnt wait to dress you and Ashlee alike and do your hair and have 2 little princess' in my life. We all babied you so much, because you were just so cute and tiny. Such a good and easy baby you were and smart, sooo very smart. One day you were laying on your tummy on the floor and you litterly sat up and walked, like you had known how to walk for your entire life! You were on a mission and needed to keep up with Ashlee and Nicholas. You have such an old soul. Your loyalty and love to your family amazes me. You never give up on people and your friendships and relationships prove that. I am proud to call you one of my daughters. Daddy and I cannot wait to see what the future brings to you, PS-Dad said it better bring you a job hahahha!!! We are happy you are in college and in a good and loving relationship with our Katie pie, the love you show each other is precious and we are so happy to have her in our lives.

A piece of bday advice, always remain true to yourself, don't change because of what others think you should be and do. Love always and live life, we only get 1 of them so do your best-Don't waste the gift of time we are given.

Mommy and Daddy love you and want you to know that we miss you and are UBER proud of you.. Keep on being FABULOUS!!!!

SMOOCHES!!!

Dear Dad

Hi dad,

Its me again. Today is your birthday, in earthly years you would be 63!! You left too soon 38 is too young. I miss you and just want you back. I want you to be here with us and watch the kids grow up and do funny things. I want you to open your wallet and have oodles of grandkid pics falling out. I want to listen to your laugh and listen to your stories of when you were a kid and I just want you here. Today, if you were here, I would imagine we would have a nice BBQ meal and angel food cake for your bday cake. I wonder what you would be like now-I am sure you would be just as funny and wise, maybe just a little grayer. I just miss your face. I hope you watch down on us and are happy with our lives.  Love you daddy!!!