So much..

Well, it's been a long while since I last blogged. I have been busy with the holidays, kids, work, helping out with events at work and consumed by some icky news. A few months ago I went to the ER for kidney stones and they found a mass in my abdomen, so I had to wait to get more images so they could see if it has grown and lucky me, it has. Later next week, I will be having a contrast MRI and then we will go from there. The Dr. Called the mass, suspicious-SIDENOTE, I dislike that word.. I really had a moment and still do from time to time, because I am an over-worrier. I worry about everyone and everything, it is a character flaw really. I keep thinking what ifs?? What if this was my last Christmas? What if I dont see my older kids again? What will happen to my sweetheart? etc.. Its ridiculous, I know, but it is what it is. I'm not scared to die-that is the Gods honest truth, I really am not. What I am scared of is leaving those I love. Who will be Julie's BFF? Who will be Ronni's big sissy? Who will make sure the little boys match their clothes? Who will buy Tony his pricey kicks?(It surely will not be Sal, he makes sure the 6 kids know they only have clothes and shoes because of me, LOL) So, enough of this nonsense and onto fun things..

To my friends with loved ones deployed, keep on keeping on. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are doing a wonderful job. It isnt easy to do this. It isn't easy to answer the questions from the little ones like "Why isnt mommy/daddy here for Christmas?, Why is mommy/daddy so far away? And the ever popular statement-" I want mommy/daddy, not you!!!" that is a heart breaker, but they don't REALLY mean it(not always anyway) Make sure you are having some "ME" time and some time with grown ups. Get away and have dinner with some friends, sans kids. It is worth the investment of a great babysitter!!! Don't be a martyr and try and "suffer" for this deployment. I can assure you your soldier wants you to be happy, get out and do things and keep your life as normal as possible. Those of you that have older kids and teens, they will at times TRY and manipulate you and your feelings. Hold strong and steady, they secretly want you to say NO, they want you to keep things the way they should, they want boundries, so stay strong!! Call back-up if you need to. Remember, while your soldier is the backbone of the military-you are the heart, the soul and the stability. Kisses...