Mary-Real and True

So today I got to thinking about who I really am. Of course I am the obvious-Daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend, co worker, etc.. When I was young, I was DEFINATELY a people pleaser, too a fault really. Always eager to please my parents but never quite cutting it with my mom. I always thought if I lived how THEY wanted me to live, that I would be the perfect child....In doing that I really lost myself at a very young age. At almost 41, i'm finally almost exactly who I want to me-THE REAL ME.. I wished I would have realized this at a much younger age, haha.. C'est La Vie, nes pas? So, I want to introduce you to ME.. Well, the me I am today.

I'm Mary. I am still the wife of Sal, mom to Nicholas, Ashlee, Cassidy, Anthony, Dominic and Roman. Sister to Ronni, BFF to Julie, Daughter to Susie, Ron and Tom, HAPPILY the MiMi to Dominic G, Kaydence M and Nicholas G. I shoot from the hip and I am honest. You may not always like what I have to say, but you WILL get the truth. Im PASSIONATE about my family and will love and defend them to the death. I no longer have room in my life for people who are takers and takers only. Life is too short. I am semi high maintenance, I love some luxuries in life. I can be a snob, I won't lie, it is NOT my favorite quality about myself, but it is the truth. I have regrets and failures-trying to always work on that, not sure how. Here are some of my regrets and how I want to try and get over them.

*Not having my dream wedding-It is what it is and whilst we didn't have a wedding, we are married just the same. He is the best thing in my life and THAT is what is important.(I tell my brain this all the time, but on the flip side, it sucks. I would have made a lovely bride and it would have been nice to have a picture or 2)

*Not being as forgiving as I should-People change and bygones, should be just that really. Somethings are hard to forgive, but they must be forgiven to lighten the load.

*Getting my education-I still have time, i'm not THAT OLD, LOL.

*Never making time for grown up vacations with my guy-We are trying to remedy that, well I am trying.. Sal isn't a great tryer in regards to vacations, but hey, everyone has faults :).

*Letting people make me feel guilty-TAKE NOTE, that will NOT be happening anymore...

*Not speaking up when I should-Again, take NOTE, that will not happen again.

*Not following my dreams-One of the biggest regrets, one that cannot change really and PROBABLY for me the hardest to let go.

Life is just too short to not live the way you want to. I certainly don't want to die, knowing I lived how everyone else wanted me to and not how I wanted to.

My military spouse advice du jour:

I love being an Army spouse and I am not ashamed to say it.. Lately I have seen so many negative topics about it and frankly it irritates me. This can be a wonderful experience or it can be hell, your choice, so suck it up buttercups. If you don't like it, then have a chit chat with your soldier and figure it out, but do NOT make others suffer your wrath of negativity. Yep, soldiers work long hours and yes pay gets messed up and yes we go through deployments-But we all come out of those. I can tell you that 20 plus years goes by in the blink of an eye, but being a negative nancy will make that 20 years seem like a zillion.

That is all for now-smooches!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I cannot believe its nearly 2012!!! We have approx 3.5 hours until we reach 2012, so I wanted to blog a bit. This year has had its ups and downs and MANY learning experiences, had some disapointments, some struggles, some successes and failures. C'est La Vie! As my wonderful husband always tells me when I am being a negative Nelly-"Honey, its life and it isnt perfect, but its all good in the end." Boy, I hate when he is right but glad he reels me back in. One thing that never changes is my love for my family and friends, you KNOW who you are. You bring fun and love and happiness to our lives.

Im very proud of our 6 kids as well. Nicholas came back safely from Iraq and is now with his wife, Megan and their son, Deuce.They are all together at Ft Bliss and planting their roots. Our oldest grandson, Gbaby, lives in Missouri with his mom Paige and they are doing well too. Ashlee, Blake and Kaydence are still on recruiting duty in Tennessee and LOVING living there. Ashlee is training to be an optical tech and having a great time. Cassidy and her partner, Katie are doing awesome and have a cute apartment, new jobs and Cass is plugging away at college. Anthony is in his Sr Year and working hard to graduate, still playing basketball. He now has a girlfriend, Dana and we just love her to bits. They are really cute together and i'm proud of them both. Dominic and Roman are crazy as ever and always have me laughing or pulling out my hair, sometimes at the same time. They are both doing great in school and LIVE to be outside, even in this frozen tundra. They both got their first guns and are ready to shoot. Sal is awesome, he truly is the best man I have ever known and he makes me so very happy. 2012 will bring our 23rd Anniversary AND 23 years in the Army. Hard to believe 23 years for both. He is still hemming and hawing about retirement, LOL... Right now he is the Provost for the Ft Richardson side of JBER and also the Liason to the AF Security Forces, he really does enjoy it, but REALLY misses having soldiers to lead(He is so awesome at that) But maybe next duty station. I had a great 2011 in the working aspect. I got what I refer to as my 1st grown up job, LOL.. I've been a stay at home mama for 23 years, so working was VERY scary for me. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job and who I work with, its a GREAT group of people and they have been patient and helpful to me. 2012 I hope will be a wonderful year for all my friends and family. I hope we all meet our goals, or have fun attempting, I hope we learn good lessons and realize what is important. I also hope 2012 brings home more soldiers to their loved ones. I am so over deployments!!! I wish for strength, patience and understanding to those spouses that are holding down the fort. Remember, each day that passes is 1 closer to the reunion. Keep strong and keep the faith.

So much..

Well, it's been a long while since I last blogged. I have been busy with the holidays, kids, work, helping out with events at work and consumed by some icky news. A few months ago I went to the ER for kidney stones and they found a mass in my abdomen, so I had to wait to get more images so they could see if it has grown and lucky me, it has. Later next week, I will be having a contrast MRI and then we will go from there. The Dr. Called the mass, suspicious-SIDENOTE, I dislike that word.. I really had a moment and still do from time to time, because I am an over-worrier. I worry about everyone and everything, it is a character flaw really. I keep thinking what ifs?? What if this was my last Christmas? What if I dont see my older kids again? What will happen to my sweetheart? etc.. Its ridiculous, I know, but it is what it is. I'm not scared to die-that is the Gods honest truth, I really am not. What I am scared of is leaving those I love. Who will be Julie's BFF? Who will be Ronni's big sissy? Who will make sure the little boys match their clothes? Who will buy Tony his pricey kicks?(It surely will not be Sal, he makes sure the 6 kids know they only have clothes and shoes because of me, LOL) So, enough of this nonsense and onto fun things..

To my friends with loved ones deployed, keep on keeping on. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are doing a wonderful job. It isnt easy to do this. It isn't easy to answer the questions from the little ones like "Why isnt mommy/daddy here for Christmas?, Why is mommy/daddy so far away? And the ever popular statement-" I want mommy/daddy, not you!!!" that is a heart breaker, but they don't REALLY mean it(not always anyway) Make sure you are having some "ME" time and some time with grown ups. Get away and have dinner with some friends, sans kids. It is worth the investment of a great babysitter!!! Don't be a martyr and try and "suffer" for this deployment. I can assure you your soldier wants you to be happy, get out and do things and keep your life as normal as possible. Those of you that have older kids and teens, they will at times TRY and manipulate you and your feelings. Hold strong and steady, they secretly want you to say NO, they want you to keep things the way they should, they want boundries, so stay strong!! Call back-up if you need to. Remember, while your soldier is the backbone of the military-you are the heart, the soul and the stability. Kisses...

Maybe Sal IS right... AKA Mary's ramble du jour

So, Sal speaks this gibberish about the "R" word..You know, RETIREMENT!! It scares the bajeebers out of me. Why? because this has been our life for 23 years, I was also an Army brat. This crazy and unpredictable life we live is SOOO normal for me that being *GULP* civilian, scares me to death.. For 23 years we have been told where to go, where to live, when we will be apart, where Sal needs to be each second, how we should behave, how long our grass should be EVEN special places to do our shopping that ONLY military can use. Our soldiers can get into trouble if WE miss Dr Appts, are no shows to other things, etc.. Its a WHOLE different world and a world that I love.. This life has also given us stability-YES, I said stability. We ALWAYS know what is expected and our topsy turvy, curve ball thrown life IS INDEED our normal.
That being said, I have been reading articles and opinions on various FB pages, etc all the whining and complaining about this life. There is indeed a difference in the "NEW ARMY" vs the old. I miss the old. I see it with different eyes than Sal, but he is worried about this new Army. Back in the day (didn't ever think I would get to use that term-haha) When a soldier joined the Army it was typically his/her patriotic duty and/or for the challenge and focus. Soldiers came into the Army and understood by graduation of BASIC that they were now in a whole different world and when someone said jump, you jumped-no questions, no comments. Possibly because of the way OUR generation was raised. We were EXPECTED to behave, use manners, never call an adult by their first name,etc.. Call us sheep if you will, but I see our generation as wonderful and with a strong work ethic. Most of us in the 80s HAD to have a job after school, no ifs ands or buts about it. Sal had a FULL time job AND went to school, as did most kids our age. The new generation(our children will vouch for this) are and were SPOILED(not everyone, but it is pretty typical) Our 6 kids didnt go without a thing, they had a parent home 24/7 and got anything and everything.. Not a good thing, LOL. Our Army is now kinder and gentler and with some of that is really wonderful. They have REALLY stepped it up for military families to have a comfortable exsistance. For other things, I think it really has caused more issues... They keep giving and giving and some people just want more or notice what they AREN'T getting.
So, why might Sal be right? Well, because if he doesnt retire-I MAY lose my mind on some spouses. Yes, deployments and separations indeed suck. Suck beyond suckness, but the Army and military DEFEND this country, so those things will happen. Im not complaining about before or during a deployment. We can all and are entitled to have our pity party, we need it and deserve it.. Im speaking of the ones that are just never happy with a thing.. Those, need to speak with their military member and discuss whether this life is for them. I've spoken to MANY soldiers and family members that have been in the military for many years and they have the same opinion. We are losing great NCOs daily because of this. And then there are those that refuse to retire*cough SAL cough* who just wont go, because they worry about future leadership. Daddy, its time to go :)
This life has been truly amazing for us. We have met great and dear friends who are really part of our family more than friends, we have seen amazing places like Italy, Germany, etc.. Our kids have learned to appreciate the time we have with each other and have also learned to move on very quickly. I've learned to be strong, even when I didnt think I had it in me. Sal has watched young soldiers turn into great leaders. We have also said goodbye forever to many amazing people due to war AND peace time. So to future spouses in the military, it goes by fast so try and enjoy what is offered. Be strong and change things that need to be changed, not by whining or boohooing, but by throwing yourself into it and be part of the solution not part of the problem... Mazel!

Deployment 101

Good morning class! Or afternoon, depends on what part of the Earth you reside.. So, you are about to embark on a deployment huh? 1st off, hugs, 2nd off you will be FINE! It is scary to go through a deployment, whether its your 1st or 10th.

Somethings in life dont get easier, saying goodbye to your love is one of them. YOU do however learn what you are made of and find out all kinds of interesting things about yourself. Now, i'm not one to sugar coat things, so people either love my advice or want to punch me in the throat. I don't sugar coat things because I would be a HORRIBLE liar/mentor/friend/role model! Some things in life suck. There are things you need to know about deployments. First there is the RUMOR that there is a deployment pending-Relax, when its official you will be notified, 2nd, These Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines are in the military-Guess what that means? yep, they will be called upon to deploy.. So while its romantic to be married to one of these heros, the reality is that you will go through a deployment.. Good news is MOST spouses are built from steel and learn really fast how much they can endure and even blossom from this. Once you DEFINATELY know a deployment is coming, have your cry, your fit, your whatever-THEN put on the big girl panties or big boy chonies and get moving on the many things you need to do BEFORE the military person leaves.

Some things you will need to do before is: POA-POWER OF ATTORNEY, these will allow you to get things done with finance, banking, housing, credit cards, etc.. You will need multiple ones, contact your banks and financial companies to see if they require their own specific one. The military does these for free for you, so GET IT DONE!

Next is make a budget. Why make a budget? Well because while you will be getting extra money(approx 525.00 more each month) you and your sponser will be living in 2 separate areas and both will need money. He/she will need to pay for internet, phone cards, anything extra that he/she will require. Most soldiers use their eagle cash card, but guess where that money comes from? yes, your bank account. What we do is have a budget of how much Sal puts on his eagle cash card each pay period. For Sal, its 75.00(to be honest, out of the 150.00 he gets a month, id have to say he only uses about 40.00) YOU also need to be on a budget, because when that money comes in, you do enjoy and get used to it-Remember, it stops that moment he/she walks off that plane...Save as much as possible, you will want to have a nice trip when they come home, or buy some nice things for your house when he/she comes home.

Talk about your RR with your soldier, and include family and friends if that is what he/she desires, they love him/her too and are wishing nothing but positive things as well. If your soldier doesnt want family around, let them figure out how to let them know.

In regards to OPSEC, you CAN tell your parents, soldiers parents, etc where they are going, just let them know that it needs to be on the DL for a little bit. It puts their mind at ease, really it does. Make sure you send out his/her mailing address to his family and friends, I cannot stress how much soldiers enjoy hearing their name called at mail call. The more the better when it comes to love and support.
TO BE CONTINUED....

Anthony Giancarlo Urzi

So, 18 years ago I gave birth to our 2nd son. At the time we thought he would be the last of our spawn, so I savored each and every moment with him. He was born at 11:49am at Luke AFB in Phoenix Arizona, he weighed in at 8lbs and 11 ozs and was 20 inches long. Tony was born with a bitty bit of hair and was the yummiest baby ever. Sal was in Germany, so my stand in was my sister, Ronni. It was a quick labor and fairly easy. My sister kept reminding me I was having a baby, LOL.. Tony was a VERY particular kiddo.. He had OCD and tactile sensitivity, so his needs were WAY different than the others, LOL.. Some things we couldnt do with him was to put him in overalls(the straps were never even and exact enough) He has to wear socks with a red line across the toes and he had to line his feet up in them just right, his shoes had to be tied a certain way and GOD forbid if anyone touched ANYTHING he was eating, LOL.. Oy, he wore me out, but I didnt mind, we just thought he was a picky kiddo, LOL.. So, eventually he grew out of those things and became one of the FUNNIEST people I know... Im proud to call him my son and proud of him.. so here is my Dear Tony letter..Im trying to do this without tears..

Dear Tony,

WOW! Today you turn 18!! 18 means so many things. It means you are an "adult", you can make adult decisions, you can vote, you have to register with the Selective Service. I cant describe how much we love you. I love your funny sayings and love that you dont swear-that is a rarity in your age group. I love that you ALWAYS help homeless people and encourage others to do the same. I love that when you talk about playing in the NBA, that you also say you will always feed the homeless and help them. One of the greatest memories I have of you is when you and little Nic fist pumped a not so cool little freshman in front of your peers. You should have seen his face. He looked as though he were on cloud 9. And you did it out of kindness, not being a smart butt. I remember saying something to you about it and you replied with " We look after that kid, he's a good kid" You are always for the underdog and never exclude people. That will help you go far in life, I promise. Even if your room is gross and a pigstye and eventhough you go through gas in cars like water and EVEN when your grades arent exactly where id hope- I love you. I love that you are my son, I love that you are in our lives, I love you for being a great big brother to your little brothers and a wonderful little brother to your sisters. I love and admire your unconditional acceptance to EVERYONE. You are a great man, Anthony Giancarlo Urzi.. You will go far in life. Always give everything 100% and remember, when you are playing for the Phoenix Suns-I will be in those stands, screaming "Thats MY boy!" XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Should I stay or should I go?

Okay, this is a question I see ALL THE TIME from military spouses.. Should I stay put at our duty station or go home to family??? This is TRULY a personal decision that ONLY YOU can make. You have to make a list of pros and cons. Ill share mine with you and you can see why I decide to stay put:

PROS-(to stay put)
*Get timely information
*Don't get lost in the shuffle(A great frg will always make sure you are contacted)
*I get to know our Rear D and the people who will understand any issues
*Im around "like" people, who are in this with me
*Im in OUR home
*Me and our children are stable
*We can participate in activities just for deployed families.
*We can participate in all the fun redeployment activities
I could go on and on, but you get the gist...

I choose to stay put because going home FOR ME, makes me feel like a child all over again and I cant stand it. We can go visit our family whenever we want and then leave :) Dont feel guilty if you HAVE to go home, its scary being in a different place and not around anyone that you need. If you stay put, volunteer, meet a mentor and stay positive. Make goals during the deployment and follow them :)

Good luck to my sister and brother spouses who are about to embark on their deployments...